Something that has been on my mind lately is the various addictions I have, and the one I've been loathing the most-- my need for affirmation from other people.
I've been reading books lately, trying to find guidance in my life, a semblance of normalcy as my schedule and life feels like it ebbs and flows dramatically than your average person. Books about finding your passion, finding a career that's right for you, and self help books about how to love yourself, wholly, completely.
Slowly I've begun noticing I do this really annoying thing where I seek validation from people around me for almost everything. In college, I would often call my friend up and ask her what I should have for dinner that night. Sometimes I would be standing in the grocery store holding two soups and I'd send a text asking a friend, "should I get the light vegetarian or splurge for the hearty minestrone?" I stand in fitting rooms and ask my mom if she likes what I'm wearing, and if she doesn't, I never buy it.
Getting advice is important, especially when it's serious advice about the future, starting a family, or what kind of dog you should adopt from a shelter. But my constant need for validation and support is unhealthy.
So I've decided to change this habit of mine. I have started buying things that make me excited, even if they push me out of my comfort zone. I am trying to ignore the voice in my mind that says, "oh I don't want to disappoint x by doing this" or "this person always said I looked ugly when I wear this color." Who really cares, I mean who really cares. I know people have cruel thoughts about me and their own opinions but that is their weakness, not mine.
So I choose to not let the fear of other people's thought and opinions dictate my life.